How I Knew

I’m pretty sure everyone who is married has at some point gotten the question “When did you know? How did you know this person was the one you would marry?” I didn’t have to wonder too much since Clay told me on our first date that we were going to get married. I love the nonchalant way in which he said “Don’t freak out. I’m not asking you to say yes yet, I just want you to get used to the idea”. So, he knew pretty early on, but I was reminded this morning at City Church of the time that I knew for sure.

It was a few months later. My dad had been battling an ongoing medical issue and had undergone a series of fairly unsuccessful surgeries. Each time he went in for another surgery to address another complication his body was weaker and it got scarier and scarier. Not to make it all about me, but at 22 years old I was facing the very real fact that I could lose my Daddy…. and I was a hot mess.

The night before one of his surgeries I was mad at Clay because I wanted him to pray with me for my dad that God would take everything away and make him better. Since Mr. could tell that I was not asking in faith but rather was trying to force God’s hand to the best solution I saw for the situation, he said no. He said that what I needed to do was pray that God did whatever He knew was best and that whatever that was, I trusted that I would be okay and my dad would be okay even if it meant that I no longer had my Daddy here with me. …. And that pissed me off.

Mr. wasn’t going to fight with me. Instead he turned on itunes to a recording of “It Is Well With My Soul”. He pulled me onto his lap and played the song on repeat until my anger turned to tears. We probably sat there for 30 minutes or more. It felt like hours. After my sobbing subsided to rather constant and decidedly unattractive sniffling he turned it off and said “What are you going to pray for” and I said “That God does whatever He knows is best and that whatever that is, we’ll be okay.” And right there amongst the snot and tears and crippling uncertainty I knew that this was the man that God had picked to be my provider and leader and protector.

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul